Set the scene: Poop had just finished university for the day, and as usual rolled a joint for the walk to the underground tube station. The amount Poop had on him was just over enough for a spliff so instead of putting it all in his joint he thought he would save a tiny amount (less than 1/2 gram) for when he got home.
So Poop sets off from Uni on his 10 minute walk to the tube station.... freshly sparked spliff in hand, he reaches the tube just as he finishes his spliff, good timing as always. He gets his ticket and gets on the tube. Alls good he thinks with a party going on that night.
So Poop gets off the tube at his stop and gets on the escalator to the exit..... at the top to great him are around 10 police and 3 or 4 sniffer dogs. The police have decided to do stop and search operation at his local tube station in north London. Shit he thinks..... what can he do... he can.t go back down because that would look extremely dodgy so he walks towards the police and hopes nothing will happen. He walks past two middle aged male policemen, standing on the right at the top of the escalator. act cool he thinks as he approaches a young police office with a sniffer dog. Poop can see the exit just beyond the police office and the sniffer dog so he walks towards them. The dog starts sniffing around his feet then sits down.... thank fuck for that he thinks so he steps around the dog and puts his ticket in the machine. The ticket gate opens and Poop thinks home and dry woo hoo. But then a hand grasps his shoulder and a stern voice says "Where do you think your going?!, the dog can smell something in your pocket".
Little did Poop know at the time there are two types of sniffer dog (active and passive). Active sniffer dogs are the ones that bark and growl at suspects while passive sniffer dogs sit down in front of a person.... doh!!!
Poop by now has shit himself (not literally) thinking fuck fuck fuck I am being arrested, remember he has just smoked a strong skunk spliff to himself so is pretty damn smashed. The police say the dog has picked Poop out as they suspect him to be carrying drugs. Poop admits immediately thinking well they got me I may as well be go along with them. The officer with the dog tells a young fairly fit female police officer to take Poop to the back room. So she marches Poop to the back of the tube station, where there is another police officer waiting to meet them. The female officer says please empty your pockets and show us the your drugs. Poop takes out his rolling tobacco, which inside contains the smallist nugget of skunk rapped in clingfilm. They look at it, look at each other, look back at me and ask is that all? (They looked quite disappointed that there is only a small amount of pot). The male officer then said "You stink of cannabis", Poop replies with a smile on his face "yup, I have just had a spliff".
By now Poop has come to terms with the fact that he has been arrested and there isn.t shit he can do, after all for the amount of pot he had he should get away pretty lightly. The police then ask Poop for the rest of the contents in his pockets, He passes them his wallet, mobile phone, keys... the police then search his wallet, checks his driving license and ask his full name, d.o.b, that sort of thing. The police then check the zips n stuff but fail to find the credit card pipe hidden in the back of his wallet.
The police then give all the stuff back to Poop, (apart from the pot which the female officers puts in her pocket). The male officer then asked Poop to take his bag off and open it up. Inside a laptop, they police proceed to take the laptop out and open it up and ask make, colour. Poop replies guessing grey... (Poop's high as kite and can.t really remember the colour)
The police were satisfied with the answer and put the laptop back in the bag and give it back to Poop. Hmmmm what happens next Poop thinks to himself..... after a slight pause the male office then starts the speech "You are being arrested as you have been found to be possession of a class B drug. You do not have to say anything but whatever you do say can and will be used in a court of law..... blah blah blah".
Shit shit shit I am actually being arrested Poop thinks and tries to plead his innocence... something along the lines "what!!!! argggg, erm I thought cannabis had been reclassiefied as class C". At the time of Poop's arrest there had been a loads of press about David Blunket reclassifying cannabis from a class B to a class C drug. The police replied with "No, not yet". Poop replied with a solemn "Doh".
The female office then asked Poop to hold out his wrists... time for the handcuffs. Arggggg.... these handcuffs were mean things.... not as he had expected. They had a solid chunk of metal between each cuff and not a chain as you always see in movies n such like. Poop was then marched out the back of the station and into a police van where he would wait for other 5 people to get arrested.... didn.t take long (10 mins max). During this time Poop was interviewed by the female officer while the male officer went back to catch more innocent cannabis smokers. Poop was asked numerous questions, where had he been , where is he going, but never who did you get it off. This surprised Poop as he didn.t have to lie.... the standard reply would of been "yer some dodgy dude in Camden". Word of warning never buy drugs off people in the street, they are out to rip you off. Buy off people you know and trust not dodgy people off the street. They are the most likely to rip you off and they should be arrested for trying to sell you crap drugs.
The van eventually drives off to the police station where we all fall out the van and ushered into a metal cage next to a door into the station. A background check was then made upon Poop via the female officers walky talky. Poop had to give his place of birth, mothers maiden name, his height, that sort of thing..... after a brief pause a message came back saying all clear he was indeed Poop and wasn't lying.
This is now about 45 minutes since Poop got caught at the train station.
Poop is then told to sit on a small wooden bench and wait. So he waits, looking around the room. Its was quite an amusing experience for Poop, as he was still pretty damn high. Some of the people were taking the piss out of the police questions. There were quite a few people around 10 maybe 15 waiting to be dealt their punishment by the so called strong arm of the law. About 15 mins after entering the station the female officer returns to Poop with a load of papers she needs to fill out. She took a profile of Poop, baggy trousers, bit of stubble and generally a bit scruffy, Poop's mobile phone number was then taken and some more questions about where he lived and what not. The female officer then went off and Poop waited some more.
About 30 mins after arriving at the police station, the female office returned and took Poop handcuffs, as it was time for the fingerprinting. Poop was lead into as small room where his hands were covered in black ink and was told to make various imprints. Following that Poop was lead to another small room where the police were to take a DNA sample. Poop and the female officer we getting along pretty well by now, so she tells Poop that the sample is mostly painless, the simply cut open a part of you mouth and take a small bit of blood, and that it would only bleed for about 15 mins.... Poop in his stoned gullible state is taken back... then the officer say only joking its just a simple saliva swab. The saliva was taken and put into a bag. One side note.... many times Poop was asked to sign this and sign that, but he was never asked to sign that it was in fact his DNA "how strange he thought".
Next came the mug shot.... the female officer told Poop not to smile, in turn he burst out laughing.... saying "don.t smile? tehehe". Poop was then asked to wait some more.
After another 15 - 20 mins Poop was led off to another room inside the station. Where he was told to wait some more, Finally another male police officer / sergeant came to the room shortly followed by the female officer. Poop was then asked by the male officer if he understood why he had been arrested and then given a formal adult caution. The male officer then tried to explain to Poop that a large number of car accidents have been caused by stoned drivers.... Poop replied with "I have seen some stats somewhere that shows most car crashes where cannabis is evolved the person has also been drinking". The male officer looked slightly pissed off and this answer, probably because he knew Poop to be right. After another 5 - 10 mins of the male officer asking questions he finally left and Poop was led back out to the wooden bench.
After another 5 mins waiting around the female officer came back and said that Poop was free to go.
Poop figures he was dealt with by 7 or 8 different police officers. The amount of man hours in police time is used against Poop must be way over 3 hours, from the guy with the sniffer dog, to the van driver, to the female officer, to the sergeant, to the people who do the paper work, to the people who incarnate the cannabis. What a complete waste of police time and money. As a side note Poop was arrested in wood green, north London. 6 months later Ricin (a deadly biochemical) was found in woodgreen. Poop thinks those 3 hours of police time could of been put to better use.
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